Something

There is something about you
Something that calls to me
That draws me in
Is it your voice
Or is it the way you make me laugh
At almost anything
The feeling I get
When I think about you
It's hard to put into words
Like my mind goes silent
And my heart jumps forward
Trying to push its way through
To my lips
Desperately beating against my tongue
Trying to get to you
Trying to pry open my jaw
To make its way to you
Throwing together words
That shouldn't be seen
Not now
Maybe not ever
It just keeps whispering to me
Reassuring me that it will be alright
Just give in
It tells me to try
It tells me to not be stupid
Each thing contradicts the last
Do
Don't
Speak up
Be quiet
Let him in
Build a barrier
Throw me to him
Give me a chance
Keep me in
Protect me
What do I do
What do I say
It's so hard to shield myself
Because
There's something about you

Pendulum

Tick tock
Nothingness washing over me
Calling out into the void
Loneliness wrapping its cold, bony fingers around my heart
Squeezing until it breaks
The ache spreading throughout my soul
Everything I've done
Everything I've said
Rushing back
Surrounding my body in darkness
Where are my thoughts running off too
Why is my will fading
Everywhere I turn
Something isn't right
What am I doing wrong
I'm calling out for help
Will you help me
Please
My heart is swinging on a chain
Crashing against the walls of my confinement
With each pass the end nears
With each second time is lost
But still back and forth it goes
Like a pendulum
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Mira's Backstory

Miras Back-story

Born to Keya and Aien Zinmoria, Mira was the youngest of two, her brother Goren proceeded her by five years. At the age of forty they both began training. Traditionally the male practices in combat and the female trains in the art of magic. After years of training to no avail, Mira's parents broken heartedly discovered that she was incapable of holding even the tiniest bit of magic in her palms. Keya and Aien took Mira to friends, asking for help in her turmoil. When no one could help they became perturbed. In their last effort to find her magic they took her to stay at a nearby monastery. Urging her to find inner peace with the monks, in hopes that she can learn the ways of her ancestors. During this stretch Mira spent her free time in the forest. She felt content around the woodland creatures, as they knew not of her failures. Mira grew close to the animals. They made her feel normal. She stayed with the monk for eleven years, before finally returning home to her dispirited parents.

By the time Mira was ninety the magic had still not stirred in her mind or soul. Goren felt sorry for his sister, he tried to cheer her up by bringing her sweets and books. When those did nothing to light her face he brought her his dagger.

The metal gleamed in the light and her eyes shone as she stared at it. A jewel was placed by the leather-wrapped hilt. She placed her thumb on the edge of the blade to test the sharpness and a small trickle of blood danced across the metal. Goren told his sister that the blade was now hers.

  Shortly after she acquired the dagger from her brother she began training with her father in combat. Her brother, Goren, started training with their mother in the magic.

As Mira came of age she began preparing to leave her home in search of a blades master to further her skill. Goren offered to aid in her travels but Mira declined. She told him to stay home with their parents. Mira was offered a horse but she declined that as well. Her time with the animals of the forest opened her heart. She would not make a mount suffer at her expense. And what would happen to her stead if she were to perish? With her mind open and her farewells in place she gathered her things and set out on her journey.

Never Enough

Sharpened edge
Laid flat against the skin
The metallic finish...
Shining brightly in the dim light
One
Two
Three
Push
Cutting deeply into flesh
Gliding down
Through years of damage
Stop

Abuse from others
And myself
Torture
Inescapable torture
Again
One
Two
Three
Push
You aren't good enough
You aren't pretty enough
You are useless
You are worthless
Stop

The eyes
That stare back
From the polished glass
They're full of hurt
Full of pain
I will never be
Good enough
Pretty enough
My self worth
As been lost in the scars
And pain

Not The End

The braided nylon beckons me
like a curious cat to its death
The rope hanging and swaying,
like I soon will be
All my frustrations will soon cease to exist
As I too will bring my pitiful life
to its end
There is nothing to hold me here
Nothing that I care enough about to stop
No what-ifs,
no not this time
I don't see the light anywhere.
This is it
until that familiar tone plays
through my stubbornness
As I look down at my phone
for what may be the last time
I see it the light
at the end of my 
worthless existence
The voice of reason echoes through my head
The rope sways back and forth
Like a pendulum calling to me
But no, 
I'm not going anywhere
No not this time

Why

Why is it so hard
To let someone know
You screwed up
You made a mistake
Why is it so hard
To ignore them
To make them think
That they don’t matter
That you don’t need them
I still can't escape his memory
As much pain as he caused
Why is it so hard
For me to forget

Sometimes

Sometimes the road splits into two directions
Then sometimes the road doesn’t even split
And we have to cross paths
Those are the times that I could live without
The time I told you
The time that messed my life up
That was a mistake on my part
After almost a year the memories still haunt me
I try to run away from them but I can’t
They know every move I make before I do
I keep my thoughts locked away in a box
So I won’t hurt anymore then I do
But soon enough they’ll escape
How much of me will be left when they do
Will I still be me
Or will I just be a casing
A body without a soul
Something so vacant,
So empty
Why have you done this to me
I can’t stand you but I can’t stop thinking about you
How many more souls will you take
Or are you just…
Each day I fall deeper into my own personal hell
Because I fell in love with a demon
A dark angel that stinks of death
Something so putrid I cannot explain
One so vile
So horrid
Something that causes one to cringe in terror
But it seems I’m the only one screaming
Like I’m the only one that can see past your façade
Now you have another that has fallen under your spell
One that is ignorant when it comes to your darkness
Ignorant like I was
Even when I knew I pushed it away
Maybe she’ll trust her instinct
And run when she can
Before she falls so hard she can’t get up
And forgets about everything
Like I did

No One

I can't explain the hurt and pain I feel
I’m not sure it can even be called that
To be perfectly honest I feel nothing
I have an emptiness
One that used to be filled with love
Kindness
But now all that remains is pain
And numbness
I feel cold
And lonely
Like a lost puppy
With no one to follow
Like a fire with no one to warm
A ground
One that no one will travel

Miles

I close my eyes
And see your face
I open them
And you are replaced
By a white ceiling
Or a broad blue sky
I can't help but think
Your stars are mine
So I hope one day
We look up
And see the stars
And forget the pain
And on that day
When the same sky we see
I hope to look down
And see you looking at me
With your hand holding mine
Our warmth combined
To share our love
As bright as the sun

Love

What is love?
Feeling safe in his arms?
Not being able to stay mad at him?
Missing him when he's away
Even if he's only in the other room
When do you know you're in love?
When you can't see yourself without him
when you can feel your heartbreak
at the mention of him leaving?
How do you know it will last?
Without knowing the future
Can you trust him enough to break down walls
Even if you don't know for sure
And if he does leave...
How quickly will those walls be back up again
But if he doesn't then the pieces will slowly dissipate
Can you tell him you're in love?
Would he believe you if you did?
Does he believe you now?
Does he love you?
Does he wrap his arms around you at night?
Does he tell you he loves you?
Does he prove it?
Can you tell
Do you trust him?
What is it to trust someone else?
And what if someone else tells you its a lie
Or that your dreaming
Because you can't believe this is happening to you?
You cant be happy
It's not written in the stars for you to be
But you are.
And that someone else
Well they know nothing about you
How can they control your happiness
How could they be so bold
To say it was all a lie?
Well if this is a lie
I don't want to know the truth
If I am dreaming
Please don't wake me up
I want to stay happy
Even if its a lie
Even if I'm dreaming

Because of You

My heart is torn in tiny pieces
I thought I was over you
But I was wrong
When I see you I get butterflies
Then I realize I cant stand you
I cant believe I fell for you
But I did
Now I look at how stupid I was
How stupid I am
To feel this way over you
How can you have such an effect over me
I never should have said anything
About how I feel
Because it caused nothing but destruction in my life
No good has come from you
All them memories I had with you
All the times we spent together
They haunt me now
When I try to see you as another face in the crowd
The crowd disappears
Along with my  safeguard
Because of you
My heart is torn in two

Beauty In Your Eyes

Your eyes are like an open meadow in the thickest forest
They are the brightest green
Your hair falls like golden rays of light
Shining through the clouds on a bright day
Your touch crawls across my skin like a thousand butterflies
Kissing my skin ever so gently
Your voice is music to my ears
Like the wind blowing through the trees
Your kiss is the sweetest
Like a sugar cube slowly melting on my tongue 
Lingering
When you left I didn't want you to go
My heart opened up to you
Whatever wall I was in the process of building
Your taking it down brick by brick
I long for the touch of your skin
For the brush of your lips against mine once again
Lay with me till the end of our time
And into the next

Heartbreak

What is love
But a heartbreak
Waiting
Lurking in the shadows
Waiting to pounce
Like a Leopard
Stalking a Gazelle
Striking swiftly
Draining the life
From something that was
Beautiful
Covered in blood
Helpless against its predator
Just as I lay
Covered in tears
Helpless to stop
The heartbreak
Trailing behind
Promises are nothing
But words to make it through
Love is pain
Love is hate
Love is a lie
A painful lie
That every single
One of us
Fall for
In the
End
But in the end
There is no explanation
Just pain
Heart
Shattering
Pain

Please

I dont want to go
Let me stay
Please
I feel like my heart is going to explode
The days are ok
But the nights are terrible
If you still love me
Why are you making me go
I just want to understand
I begged you
Let me stay
Please
I dont want to go
Just let me stay
Dont make ne leave
Please
Dont make me go
But your mind is set
I dont see why
You're giving me things
To make up for not giving me things
You say you'll miss me
WHY DO I HAVE TO LEAVE
Let me stay
Let me help you
I dont understand
I dont understand
I dont understand
I dont want to go
Let me stay
Let me love you

I'm sorry

Help me
I'm lost
I know you're here
But I feel so alone
I know you care
But I feel so much pain
My throat feels swollen
I cant speak
My heart feels broken
I'm numb
You didn't do anything
But in my head
In my mind
You're leaving
You're gone
I cant live with that
The fear is to much
My heart stops beating
I die
On the inside
My thoughts run wild
My mind hides in the dark
These tears
Streaming down my face
They arent your fault
Its mine
Im sorry
I shouldn't be
This scared
I shouldnt worry this much
Trust
I need to believe what you say is true
I try
I do
Please believe me
Im sorry I do this to you
Its not you I swear
Im so far gone
But I try
Cant you see
I try for you
But who am I trying to convince
You
Or
Myself
I try
So hard
I know you love me
Why is it so hard to believe
Its not your fault
Its mine
Im sorry
Im sorry
Im sorry
Can you see how bad this hurts
Can you feel the unnecessary pain I feel
Make it stop
I can't make it stop
I can't make it stop
I can't make it stop
I feel like
I'm losing control
Help me
Please
I dont want to lose control
Im sorry
You don't deserve this
Please
I love you

Why cant I stay angry at you
For longer then I do
Why do I laugh
When all I want to do is cry
Why can't I help myself
When it comes to you
My heart beaks
Over and over
My mind runs crazy
Trying to find
An answer
Do I stay
Do I go
Someone tell me
I'm not over reacting
When you lie
I told you
This was it
But you make a joke
You smile at me
And
And...
Damnit
I can't
What is this
A cage
Chains I can't see
I don't want to leave
But even if I did
Could I
If you would let me go
Could I walk out
The door
No
No...
I couldn't
If this is love
Why does it have to be
So confusing
What do I do
Is this meant to be
Should I stay
What if
It's not
But I do
What if
It is
And I don't
I feel
Like my heart
Is going
To explode

All in my Head

Im not being
Over dramatic
This is just how I feel
You dont
Know me
This is really real
It's not all in
My head
Actually it is
Part of me
Feels dead
Dont tell me
Not to cry
If you dont know
Why I'm crying
You cant tell me
I'm over reacting
When you cant
See inside my head
You dont know
The demons I face
Alone
Because you can't
Help me
When you dont
See a problem
I try to explain
To you
But that
Backfires as well
What can I do
To escape this
Living hell

Loss of a Friend

I dont know what to feel
So I guess
Its best to just feel nothing
You were my friend
What little I knew you
I cherished our time
What little we spent
Anyone who says
The friendships you find
That happen to be online
Arent true
Have never met someone like you
I knew you only for a week
Or two
But I looked forward
To our conversations
And our jokes
Back and forth
But now I'll miss those moments
More then most
Ive never lost a friend to such extreme
I wish you well in your next life
I hope this accomplished what you meant to
Never forget
I will miss you