Forgive Me

Family is a funny word

People use it to describe friends

People use it to describe blood

The meaning never changes

However 

Everyone interprets the word differently 

So

Forgive me 

If I don’t want to call this broken house a family

Forgive me 

If I get nauseous every time I hear the word daughter creep through your teeth

Forgive me

If even the slightest touch your hand against my skin sends shivers down my spine

Forgive me 

If I seem distant

Forgive me

If I don’t care 

Forgive me

If everything seems to be fine

Because I don’t have a choice

Forgive me 

If I’m tired

Forgive me

If I cry over anything 

Forgive me

If I’m not trying my best

Because I holding onto every ounce of pain and hurt

Otherwise I would drown

Forgive me

For trying to keep my head above the crashing waves

It’s hard to swim with a broken heart

Forgive me

For giving up

Forgive me

For accepting the fate of my actions 

Leading me spiraling into a bottomless abyss

Forgive me

For the thorns and jagged edges 

That catch every inch of bare flesh

Forgive me

For welcoming the pain

Forgive me

For thinking bad thoughts

Forgive me

For laying in bed and hoping I don’t see the sun

Forgive me 

For letting it overwhelm me

Forgive me

For loosing my footing and slipping deeper

Because the ledge has been coated in tears of pain and hate

And I can’t hold on

Forgive me

If I drown

Will you?

When we lay side by side
Will you stick your hands in my pockets
And pull me closer
If my lips get cold
Will you press yours against them
And let your warmth spread to my soul
When tears streak my cheeks
Will you wipe them away
And hug me tight
When my will to live disappears
And my want to try runs away
Will you stick around
Or leave as well
When I can't pull myself
From the depth of my bed
Will you reach out a hand
When I forget to eat
Or take care of myself
Will you be there to pick up the slack
When I've had enough
And give up on myself
Will you take away the blade
When I want to die
Will you make me remember
Why I can't

It's not fair

Time passes
And still you sit in the back of my mind
Waiting for the perfect time
To creep your way to the front of my thoughts
It's not fair
I didn't want to lose you
I didn't want to leave
I loved you
I still fucking do
But I knew it wouldn't last
No matter how many plans we made
Together
No matter how much you promised
I knew the words meant nothing
So why am I still thinking about you
The way you ran your fingertips
Along my skin
The way you kissed my lips
So gently
The way you said
I love you
Each word passing your lips with
A velvety smoothness
I can still hear
Your voice rings in my ears
My heart tells me it is you
It was always you
But I can't have you
It's not fair
It's not fair
It's not fair
I want you more than
I want air to breath
I want you more than
I want food to sustain my life
I want you
I want you
I want you
I need you
I want to be the one
To stand by your side
Forever
It's not fair
That I have to live without
It's not fucking fair
I don't understand
What happened to us
I made you happy
Didn't I
I know you did
For me
With you
I forgot about
All the problems I had
I forgot how to breath
When you kissed me
I forgot I had a body
When you touched me
It felt like our souls melded into one
You are the one
I can't forget
You are the one that got away
But not because
I let you go
It's not fair
I love you
I have always
But I can't call you mine
It's not fair
I want to be
With you for eternity
But I can't
I want to call you selfish
But I can't
Because maybe it wasn't all you

Evil Queen

The holes on my wrist remember the embers laid against my skin
Four more cracks my heart has to bear
The tears running down my cheek wash away the painted smile
I am not okay
I am scared for myself
This pain that I'm living with is driving me mad
But I have yet to stop it
Why should I
Maybe I wish for it to take me away
Allow me to bid farewell to this life of torture
That I bring upon myself
Where is my Evil Queen
Toting a poison apple
Where is my Maleficent
Cursing my life
I feel like I'm locked away
Who is to blame
But myself
I alone
I want to die
Although I am scared
Of death
I know I will be missed
But is it all worth this torment
My soul is damaged beyond repair
And others are left to suffer in my wake
Free me
Before I cause more chaos
I love you all
But I do not love myself.

Something

There is something about you
Something that calls to me
That draws me in
Is it your voice
Or is it the way you make me laugh
At almost anything
The feeling I get
When I think about you
It's hard to put into words
Like my mind goes silent
And my heart jumps forward
Trying to push its way through
To my lips
Desperately beating against my tongue
Trying to get to you
Trying to pry open my jaw
To make its way to you
Throwing together words
That shouldn't be seen
Not now
Maybe not ever
It just keeps whispering to me
Reassuring me that it will be alright
Just give in
It tells me to try
It tells me to not be stupid
Each thing contradicts the last
Do
Don't
Speak up
Be quiet
Let him in
Build a barrier
Throw me to him
Give me a chance
Keep me in
Protect me
What do I do
What do I say
It's so hard to shield myself
Because
There's something about you

Pendulum

Tick tock
Nothingness washing over me
Calling out into the void
Loneliness wrapping its cold, bony fingers around my heart
Squeezing until it breaks
The ache spreading throughout my soul
Everything I've done
Everything I've said
Rushing back
Surrounding my body in darkness
Where are my thoughts running off too
Why is my will fading
Everywhere I turn
Something isn't right
What am I doing wrong
I'm calling out for help
Will you help me
Please
My heart is swinging on a chain
Crashing against the walls of my confinement
With each pass the end nears
With each second time is lost
But still back and forth it goes
Like a pendulum
Tick
Tock
Tick
Tock

Mira's Backstory

Miras Back-story

Born to Keya and Aien Zinmoria, Mira was the youngest of two, her brother Goren proceeded her by five years. At the age of forty they both began training. Traditionally the male practices in combat and the female trains in the art of magic. After years of training to no avail, Mira's parents broken heartedly discovered that she was incapable of holding even the tiniest bit of magic in her palms. Keya and Aien took Mira to friends, asking for help in her turmoil. When no one could help they became perturbed. In their last effort to find her magic they took her to stay at a nearby monastery. Urging her to find inner peace with the monks, in hopes that she can learn the ways of her ancestors. During this stretch Mira spent her free time in the forest. She felt content around the woodland creatures, as they knew not of her failures. Mira grew close to the animals. They made her feel normal. She stayed with the monk for eleven years, before finally returning home to her dispirited parents.

By the time Mira was ninety the magic had still not stirred in her mind or soul. Goren felt sorry for his sister, he tried to cheer her up by bringing her sweets and books. When those did nothing to light her face he brought her his dagger.

The metal gleamed in the light and her eyes shone as she stared at it. A jewel was placed by the leather-wrapped hilt. She placed her thumb on the edge of the blade to test the sharpness and a small trickle of blood danced across the metal. Goren told his sister that the blade was now hers.

  Shortly after she acquired the dagger from her brother she began training with her father in combat. Her brother, Goren, started training with their mother in the magic.

As Mira came of age she began preparing to leave her home in search of a blades master to further her skill. Goren offered to aid in her travels but Mira declined. She told him to stay home with their parents. Mira was offered a horse but she declined that as well. Her time with the animals of the forest opened her heart. She would not make a mount suffer at her expense. And what would happen to her stead if she were to perish? With her mind open and her farewells in place she gathered her things and set out on her journey.